Sunday, February 9, 2014

Introversion Can Be A Bitch

I came across this today...

I'm not sure if Khalifa actually said it (also, the uncapitalized "i" irritates the ever living hell out me). Regardless, it's true. I am shy. I'm also introverted-- no they are not one in the same. I just happen to be both. But I digress.

People rarely get to know me. They think they know me, but they really don't know me AT ALL. And it's not that I don't want them to know me. In fact, I can think of a few people I've tried to get to know, to let them in, past my facade. I've failed. Or have they failed? Maybe I'm just supposed to be the chick that bakes, writes blog posts laden with f-bombs, and is married to your really awesome co-worker.

But that's not me... well, it's not an all-encompassing description of me anyway. That's the problem. Now, you might be thinking, "You're not trying hard enough. You just don't put yourself out there enough." But that's fucking bullshit.

A few people know me. A few of them may even read this (Yeah, I'm talking to you.). And I'd like to believe they'd testify that I'm worth getting to know, that I do "put myself out there." They know about my fears, my biggest accomplishments, all of the "whys" and "hows",  my mind-boggling obsession with figuring out if the comma (especially that last one) goes inside the quotes or outside the quotes because across the blogosphere and in books and magazines the standard appears to have changed, my obsession with food-- particularly cheese and ice cream despite my lactose intolerance. They know I'm so fucking complicated that no blog post could ever convey the depth of my soul (I'm just that deep!). Actually, that sentence might because it's one part facade, one part reality, in a way that isn't discernible. Hell, Jeff just asked if I was okay because I'm not chatting with him because I usually chat with him even when he doesn't want to chat which is weird because introverts aren't usually chatty, but I am really fucking chatty.  

So why am I so God damned invisible? Forgettable? Or do you just avoid me because you all are just afraid to tell me that my baking actually sucks?

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