Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Wisconsin Part 1

Spoiler Alert/Warning: I am going back to my old writing style which involves cursing. You are warned.

So Jeff and I took a trip to Wisconsin. It sounds totally lame, but it was far from lame. It's no Florida, but it was better than no vacation. Plus, I got this rockin' pillow!

You might think it's creepy, but I think it's awesome. It is a pillow and a Maggie look-alike all rolled into one.

Anywho. Maggie pillow aside, this trip contained too much awesomeness for one post. Today I'll cover the hiking... and some randomness. Part 2 will cover most of the beer. Yes, there was that much beer! Don't worry. It was a classy affair-- microbreweries and tastings. It's like the man's version of visiting a winery. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good beer, but I'm no connoisseur like Jeff. But I digress.

First of all, we found 39 states on our road trip. Yes. We played the license plate game. What of it? It was a road trip. Road trips are boring as fuck if you don't find something to do. Sure, I read a book, but my eyes get tired if I read for too long, and my brain wonders into dark and strange places if all I do is stare out the window. So we played the license plate game. Word of warning: it becomes more of a competition when you're in your late twenties. I thought I saw New Mexico at the rest stop so Jeff ran over to confirm. It was New Mexico. We high-fived. We also scoured our hotel parking lot... twice. Somehow this will have to be contained when have children, or they will turn into assholes.

After arriving in Wisconsin we hit up the Ale Asylum. We were mostly hungry, but we also wanted some local beer. Jeff got some avocado wrap thing. I went with the pulled pork sandwich... on a pretzel bun. I sent a picture to my parents, and my mom was all "I thought you didn't like pulled pork." I just like good pulled pork. Sorry mom. It's true. I'm a food snob. Accept when it comes to Cracker Barrel. That shit is good. As for the beer...

I tried out Unshadowed. Ale Asylum says "this classic German Hefe-Weizen is soft and uber refreshing. It is light golden in color, with a hazy appearance. It has a hint of bananas and cloves in the aroma, and a tantalizing sweetness in the finish. If a dewy Spring meadow had a flavor, Unshadowed would be that flavor." This description is spot on. I don't even like bananas! Also, now that I think about it, I don't know if I'd say this tasted like a dewy Spring meadow, but it was still delicious. Also, if you are a student, please note how I properly cited my source. It's really not that difficult. 

Jeff's beer was gross. But that's probably because I don't have a refined palate. I also don't like beer like he does. If it's a wheat ale, I'll probably dig it. If it's anything else, I won't like it unless it tastes like water. So I like wheat ales and shitty beer. But if you like beer, well good beer, you might like Jeff's choice, the Sticky McDoogle. It has the best name ever. You can kind of see it in the background of the above picture. According to Ale Asylum this "traditional Scotch ale is full-bodied with an earthy aroma. It has a smooth malt presence, with just the right touch of hops for a balanced, clean finish." Jeff isn't here so I don't know if he would say, "Yeah! Exactly." I do know he thought the Sticky McDoogle was tasty. Ha. That's funny. You know you're thinking what I'm thinking. Also, again, if you're a student... I totally credited my source again!

We pretty much fell asleep after this. Well, first we sat in the jacuzzi for a few minutes because the "heated" pool was fucking frigid. Then a little girl kept splashing me while I tried to dry off. Then I realized I was turning into my mother. I literally thought, "What the fuck? Why isn't her mom correcting her behavior? My mom would never let me splash like that, especially with people around. Seriously, why won't she stop splashing. This is so annoying. FUCK. I'm turning into my mother. She totally thought this about kids when I was a kid, except her thoughts weren't laced with F-bombs. I'm turning into a F-bomb dropping version of my mom. Fuck me."Then we went upstairs because Jeff could tell I was annoyed.  

We totally crashed. Really it was a good thing because I was not prepared for the next day's hike, even with a decent night's rest. Apparently my body is falling apart. I knew I had issues, but I never thought I'd be in the middle of the woods pointing to locations on my body while Jeff took pictures so I could show them to the doctor instead of trying to remember where it hurt and totally failing. 

At least the hike was pretty. If you have allergies, take some fucking Allegra before you go! These beautiful butterflies were all over the place, but where there are butterflies, there is pollen. Guess who forgot to take her Allegra? Me. 

It did not stop me though. You don't get between this girl and a trail with a bad ass waterfall. Not even you, pollen.

Especially when there's a teetering log involved. Please don't tell my doctor or physical therapist.

Next up: Beer! Beer! And more beer! There may also be a goat. See, now you're intrigued. Seriously, you better read Part 2. Whenever I get around to writing it.

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